Why me? no...why not me?

Why me? no...why not me?

I've heard this in a sermon not to long ago, as well as from a wise lady who recently lost her husband to cancer. Who do we think we are that we would deserve to have the perfect life, perfect children, perfect husband and be perfect on top of that? I truly believe the Lord gives us trials to come closer to him and to depend on him for our strength.

This blog often paints a pretty picture of a perfect life. I keep a blog to enjoy the highlights of our life: milestones, holidays, everyday fun stuff, and Reno's. It may appear like I'm Martha Stewart's sister or a distant relative, like I'm super mom, that my kids are perfect little angels, or that my hair is always done, and that I have it so together, but I don't.

 I yell,
 I stress,
 I lose patience,
I get annoyed with our kids,
I could add to this list all day but it could get rather depressing.

I feel like I need to write it out, capture what I'm going thru right now so I can look back at it and see and remember a journey. A journey that I have a feeling is just beginning. A journey down a path that I would never have chosen for myself if I was in control, but I'm not in control, and I am thankful for that.

I remember a life not that long ago where I tried to be in control and to choose my path, and I really messed it up at every corner, bump and hill. It's only through God's grace that I am where I am today and I am forever thankful that he rescued me.

Okay to get on with the journey that may or may not be beginning...

This has to do with our big eyed, long eye lashed fun loving son Isaac. I would have to admit that I first started noticing that he was behind when I did the comparison game to our niece Shawna, who is 10 weeks older than Isaac, and our neighbor's daughter who is around 10 weeks older as well. Then when I compared Isaac to my good friend Tracy's son who is a good 10 weeks younger than Isaac, I really started thinking... wow Isaac is not very ambitious at all. I admit at times I wanted him to excel in something so I could have bragging rights, and to also reassure myself that he was just fine. As life continued on I convinced myself that it would come... the walking, the talking, the copying of words as I spoke to him.

The walking did come at 19 months and then the running eventually too.  We accepted, yes Isaac is unique and may be a bit slow but we were sure he would catch up on his own time. Maybe this is still the case. We aren't sure yet...

Next up came the talking or lack of. Again the toddlers/friends that we spent time with were pointing  and talking up a storm, and waving at people, and learning to play together. It'll come is what we convinced ourselves. Maybe he will just start talking in complete sentences someday. Andrew was kind of like that and he corrects our speech now.

Another thing we have picked up on over time is his high pain tolerance. If he gets hurt, he seems more mad that it happened than hurting from the pain and he quickly gets over it. He has burnt his fingers numerous times and bangs his head constantly. The head banging is a result of temper tantrums or a reaction to transitions. Example he's playing and we have to leave the house or he's in the tub and it's time to get out, or like on Saturday at the pool, he was going down the kiddy slide and we were heading to the hot tub. He throws himself to the floor (often concrete) and smacks his head. When this is about to happen there is no stopping him, if you get in his way you will get hurt as well. If you pick him up he will hit you over and over even if you give him a pinch to stop him or discipline him in some way. Some might say he just needs a good lick'in or that I/we are too soft but it's not that, trust me.

Yes, there is more. His napping. All of our boys liked to nap so it didn't send us a flag at first but now when his peers are cutting out their naps and he's sleeping 3-4 hours every afternoon it seems kind of strange. He has slept thru the night since he was 10 weeks old so it's not a matter of poor night sleeping. Why is he so exhausted?

His nursery behaviour is off too. I typically drop him off in the church nursery with his blanket and sippy cup and he is fine, but he has sat or stood in the exact same spot the whole hour while we are in church. This happened  only a few times but I have also seen him sprawl out on the floor amidst the chaos just laying there sucking his finger and holding his blanket. A few weeks ago I had to babysit in the nursery and I was reading books to a group of toddlers who were like sponges absorbing every word I read and repeating it back. It was so refreshing. I tried to include Isaac and he just walked away. It truly crushed me. He just doesn't seem to care.

Anyways these are a few odd things we've noticed, but his speech is very delayed and we noticed that back in the Spring already. So like with Sam and Luke I took him in for an assessment and it showed up that he was quite delayed but why? I wasn't even sure how they could assess him with hardly any words. Since his first assessment we have seen a pediatrician, a physiotherapist, an audiologist, a behavioural specialist, and his regular doctor.

In the next month we have more appointments. Weekly speech therapy appointments, another hearing test, an appointment with an Ears, Nose, Throat Specialist and another appointment with the pediatrician. Hopefully we will have a diagnosis at the end of the month.

We have heard everything from he's a lovely boy, he just may be delayed, to speech apraxia, to "I don't think it's autism", to he's just being lazy, to it's his tongue tie and that he may need tubes in his ears.

To say the least it has been a bit of a roller coaster ride the last few months and a real juggling act with all these appointments. I'm so thankful for Ken's family who always seem to drop everything to be there for me/us.

This is a pretty personal post but something I wanted to include in our blog capturing our everyday life. Stay tuned for updates on Isaac and please pray for him and for us as parents that we can be patient with him, and with all these doctors, and that we put our trust in the Lord.